I put suicide on a pedestal

There’s something about death that’s so appealing to me

And I’ll be in a bar bantering but I’m not really listening

I’m fantasising about rope

Because maybe then the shit will stop

The seismic waves of my heartbeats will come to an end

The arguments that the devil and god

Bicker about in my head will succumb

And most call me a sadist

Say I get off on pain and maybe they’re right

My spine snaps so easily

I’ve spent my whole life teaching it how to bend

But it can’t grasp the concept to bow, to lean, to flex

To adjust its posture

The darkness hovers over me

I relight again and again

But I’ve run out of matches

And have gotten high off the gas stove

I dash into the garden and look for stones to rub together

But it’s been raining and they’re wet

I just need a little heat and friction to create a spark

But my blood hasn’t been warm in years


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