Sugar Coat

She said she idealised being with me
Because the first time she saw me
I stood tall on a stage, posture straight and head high
My eyes glimmered under the stage light
As I spoke articulated words into the microphone with firm hands
I looked as if nothing could touch me
But little did she know
Everything does
So she sugar coated my flaws
Thought if she knew how to do that
I would taste sweeter, easier to swallow
It took her a while to realise I was an acquired taste
She was blinded by my book collection and my silly tattoos
And initially she found my anxiety intriguing
Thought it made me quirky but later realised
It just makes life really fucking hard
And she found my hypochondria so endearing
She wrote a poem about it and told me
I can keep looking at expiry dates on food
But to stop looking for one with us because there isn’t one
I believed her for a moment
And she found my darkness mysterious
Thought it gave me this deep self awareness
Some days it does, but some days I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing
Until my gloomy patchwork blanketed her on a hot summers night
She said I carried around this heaviness with me everywhere I went
And her hands were scales that keeled under the weight
But I don’t blame her because I know all too well
That this world is already hard enough to breathe in already
You see
I would like to think I didn’t see this coming
But I pre-empted it, didn’t trust it
Because I loved her in the space where the door is ajar
And her feathery heart slipped out right past me


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