My Brother

My brother tells me
He hasn’t felt excited since he was twelve
That he hasn’t felt that heart jump, leg twitch, smile deep
I hoped that was a lie
But he is twenty one now
And I’ve been seeing him every day lately
Observing the way he moves through it all
Watching his soft sad face say things like,
“I hate everything”
And me, I’m trying my damnedest not to
But I’d like to take out his eye balls
And throw them into the cold salty water of the sea
Watch them sting and heal and become anew
And my brother tells me
That finding comfort in books and films and music
Instead of being out and about
Was a waste of time
And it’s just left him awfully alone
I called bullshit
Told him those things have brought me more solace
Than fickle and awkward relating ever could
And we go out where sipping beer and dragging cigarettes
Is the only conversation we need in between
Watching pretty girls that we’ll never speak to
But sometimes he will catch me crying losing my breath
And I will see a glint in his eye
And my brother tells me
“Look around you!”
And I feel like saying,
“Look around you!”
So maybe if we both looked around us more often
We would start learning something

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